ardent | 010. [Action for Dangan House/Text]

[ACTION]

[His first thought upon waking up is that he doesn't know where he is.

His body tenses immediately on that bed in the basement, jolting sharply awake as though he's been startled by something, as though he's just been sleeping and he's had a hell of a nightmare; his eyes are wide, his gaze shifting around the room as though he's trying to get some idea of his surroundings and what's happening around him, and he might just look disoriented if it weren't for the fact that his gaze is so blatantly unfocused.

He's taking in everything without really seeing it; his breathing is quick to even out, however, and after a moment his body relaxes against that futon he sleeps on, and any fear that may have been present in him is gone entirely, seeming to take any genuine fight he may have had along with it.

After a moment he sits up, and if he isn't hindered immediately by anything or anyone he'll get up and start pacing the length of the basement, the motion aimless and ultimately pointless, just something to do because...well, it's something to do.

He hasn't lost that odd, disconnected look in his eyes; he's not registering anything very well, that much is obvious.]

[TEXT]

[A text will be hitting the network shortly after Ishimaru wakes up and any discussions with people in person have been carried out; it's short and uncharacteristically careless, and he isn't paying much attention to the device after it's out there, though he'll respond eventually to anyone who replies.]

i'm awake

and i'm sorry

[OOC: Canon-updating completed, for good or ill.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Are you okay? If you were in a coma, I'm sure your friends understand that it wasn't something you were controlling.

[It...takes a second, but...]

how do you stop hating yourself?

i know they do.

i'm okay. don't worry about me. just bad things back home, that's all.

[Blake sighs heavily.] If I figure that out, kid, I'll tell you.

What you do is you don't let it slow you down. You keep moving, and you don't give the son of a bitch the satisfaction of fucking you up.

it's ok! you don't have to apologize, it happens.

how are the eevees?
or how have they been, i guess. you know...before coma.

[This seems like a safe topic?? Plus the Eevee horde is adorable.]

Hey.

You're my friend, I'm going to worry about you no matter what. But if it's something you're not ready to talk about right now, I'll leave it be.

[This is true - they are, in fact, adorable.]

they've been okay.

they all like to sleep on the bed now, it's sort of crowded but it's nice

and they all came downstairs when i woke up. my room is in the basement, they like using the laundry chute

this works fine until the times they do this when there's actually no one down here

i'm trying.

even if it feels like they have.

[There's a good amount of hesitation, really, between her text and the reply.]

a couple of people died. friends.

i know.

it doesn't make it any easier, though.

i'm trying to picture this now and it's just too cute to fully visualize.
just a whole herd of eevees going down a laundry chute.
i'm guessing they manage to lock themselves in in those instances?
maybe you should install a cat door on your bedroom door.

[There's a pause. It seems like a lot of people are receiving news of death from home, even her albeit from a source she only vaguely remembers.]

I'm sorry.

I know there's nothing I can say to make it any better, losing friends is hard. I've done all I can to make sure I don't lose mine.

But, don't lose hope, at least you know here all your friends are safe.

we don't know for how long, though.

we could get sent back at any time. like i did, or permanently like some of the others who have been here. and we don't remember anything when we go back.

it seems like there's no point anymore.

they've ended up locked in a few times, yes, because they can't reach the door.

so they just bounce around on the other side and wait until i get home from work. i can usually tell they've shut themselves in because there isn't a swarm when people walk in.

i'm trying to teach them not to do that, it's not working very well yet.

That is nonsense.

Yes, bad things happen, yes, we all have a possibility of being sent back to our worlds and that might not always be a good thing.

So what? Dreading about it, losing hope, that would kill your enjoyment of what this world has to offer you now and the good times you could be spending with your friends. You have people that love you, no matter where you are, despairing over the possibilities will make you miss out on that and that is unacceptable.

You're still alive and you're still you. Hold onto that and use it to spit in their fuckin' eye.

well hopefully they'll start listening to you soon.
but i still say a cat flap might not be a half bad idea.
just in case, you know?
or maybe leaving one of your pokemon that's better suited for opening doors home while you're gone.

i just saw the body of the only friend i ever had back home get desecrated and eaten. that is unacceptable. everything that's happened to us has been unacceptable.

you don't know most of it. it's not something i can discuss with you.

But would they want you to give up?

Would they?

Even if you can't discuss it with me, I can still say that. And don't tell me that I've never witnessed anything like death or the desecration of the dead, you know I have.

what they want doesn't matter anymore.

i've spent my entire life living for what other people want. and look what that's gotten me.

i'm done.

Then live for yourself, Kiyotaka.

But have some goddamned self-respect and continue living. Not for anyone else, but for you and your own happiness.

it has nothing to do with self-respect.

i'm not going to argue this anymore.

Fine.

But

[This is hard, she's so used to being around people that have accepted they'll have or witness violent ends to life that it feels strange to coach someone through it.]

Your friends, the people from your world or the people from here, none of them will want you to give up on happiness or hope either. Not for themselves, but because they love you and want you to be happy.

That's all.

i'm sorry. but there are a lot of reasons why i don't believe that.

[That's more or less the last thing you're getting from him today.]

If it was easy, you'd be OK.

[Turks had their own way of handling things; most of it usually required them to bury their hurt and move on stat. The team would be around for support if needed, but more often than not each Turk needs to deal with it by themselves.]

Take it easy for the next few days. And talk to someone if and when you need to, but don't if you don't feel like it.

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