[The first thing that goes through her, surprisingly enough, is a stab of anger. Not at Ishimaru, of course (never at Ishimaru), but at everyone else, all the people who'd turned up with their soft voices and careful stupid words going this is normal and sometimes this happens and he'll be fine when he wakes up. It's the kind of anger that makes her lose something, the kind that makes her forget what her hands are doing until she notices after the fact that her palms are stinging from the welts her nails dug in, or the shards of glass twisted between her fingers that used to be a bottle.
They said he would be fine, and they were wrong, because he's not fine. He's not fine.
If it were anyone else, she'd be alarmed and scared right now, because she doesn't know how to handle things like this. She always goes back to Sophie, what Sophie would do, not just because Sophie is a grifter but because Sophie tries to help her to get better at things like this, so that when they happen she doesn't end up like this, stalled out and drawing a blank herself. If it were anyone else, she'd want to jump out the nearest window just to get away from it.
But this is Ishimaru, and he's more important, and he...needs...to not be alone. Not like she was alone, when she was the one with that slump in her shoulders and that dead, awful stare behind her eyes.]
Ishimaru.
[It doesn't quite come together at first, the connection between he knocked out and he went back and the understanding of what he went back to. Someone else would've seen it faster, but she doesn't.
It's not until the pain in her hands registers, and she realizes that she can barely get her fists open from clenching them shut so hard, that it somehow sinks in — because he'd never liked her to be violent, maybe, and violence is what he went back to.
She gets her hands open somehow, unmindful of the nail marks, and doesn't move other than to open her arms halfway.]
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They said he would be fine, and they were wrong, because he's not fine. He's not fine.
If it were anyone else, she'd be alarmed and scared right now, because she doesn't know how to handle things like this. She always goes back to Sophie, what Sophie would do, not just because Sophie is a grifter but because Sophie tries to help her to get better at things like this, so that when they happen she doesn't end up like this, stalled out and drawing a blank herself. If it were anyone else, she'd want to jump out the nearest window just to get away from it.
But this is Ishimaru, and he's more important, and he...needs...to not be alone. Not like she was alone, when she was the one with that slump in her shoulders and that dead, awful stare behind her eyes.]
Ishimaru.
[It doesn't quite come together at first, the connection between he knocked out and he went back and the understanding of what he went back to. Someone else would've seen it faster, but she doesn't.
It's not until the pain in her hands registers, and she realizes that she can barely get her fists open from clenching them shut so hard, that it somehow sinks in — because he'd never liked her to be violent, maybe, and violence is what he went back to.
She gets her hands open somehow, unmindful of the nail marks, and doesn't move other than to open her arms halfway.]
Ishimaru, come here.