001. Action for Goldenrod City/Video

[ardent]

[ACTION FOR GOLDENROD CITY]

[Well, if you're on the streets this evening in the general vicinity of the Radio Tower, you will likely come across a figure in what looks like a cross between a white gakuran and a military uniform (no, seriously, those boots cannot be school issue, can they?); he's got his arms folded tightly across his chest, almost as though he's cold despite being nothing of the sort, and he's staring rather intently upward.

Not at anything in particular. Just looking up at the sky.

However, if you're close enough (and you're probably close enough because he is pretty much the opposite of subtle), it'll be fairly obvious that he's probably not seeing much of anything despite the intensity of his gaze, given that he's got an impressive amount of tears going on. Like, "that should probably not be coming out of human eyes" levels of impressive. Holy shit. Tears. All over. Like he's seen the face of God or something.

Someone might want to poke him or make sure his brain hasn't just shorted out or something, he'll be here all night otherwise.]


[VIDEO]

[Hello, Johto! Sometime this evening you are being treated to some serious jittercam, courtesy of one of your newer arrivals (after he's come out of whatever trance he was in earlier because good lord almighty there is sky out here). It's not quite enough to make you seasick, but more than enough to make you wonder exactly how it is your life has come to this and who gave the complete amateur a camera before everything seems to even out. The video eventually seems to settle on a rather...uh, severe-looking kid with short, dark hair, red eyes and eyebrows that go forever, and whatever he's doing, he seems deeply annoyed with it, goodness. Who invited the spawn of Satan to the Poképarty...

And then he seems to figure out that he is, in fact, filming, and his response is so immediately joyful it'll give you whiplash if you are not properly strapped in. His grin is open and incredibly genuine, the expression entirely unguarded; he sets the device down on a table in front of him, as he appears to be outside still, and he immediately starts waving at it a bit - both through utter glee and trying to see if it actually is tracking properly.]

Ha ha ha - so it does work! This is excellent news, excellent! Now, if I can get it to -

[His voice is a bit odd - it's loud and enthusiastic, but it's strangely blunted, as though he hasn't...quite worked out how voice inflection works but dammit, he's trying. He reaches out while he talks, the conversation dissolving into rather pleased muttering to himself as he tries to turn off the 'Gear and promptly...uh, sends the video, good job.]


[VIDEO, TWO MINUTES AFTER THE FIRST]

[Well, Captain Eyebrows here seems to have gotten himself under a bit more control, though the amount of volume is still going to make people why he even bothered with a video - surely he can be heard in Kanto by now. He's clearly trying to sound authoritative; the effect is just...horribly shouty.]

My name is Ishimaru Kiyotaka, a student of the 78th annual class at Hope's Peak Academy! It's excellent to have a way to contact all of you, even if the situation that's brought it about is very weird indeed!

Whoever is responsible for this turn of events, I would like to both thank you for your generosity regarding the situation, and yet express my general confusion at what it is you expect me to do here! It would be appreciated if I could thank you in person - or...speak to you properly or knew who you were...hm.

[He...seems to have lost himself for a moment, hang on - ]

At any rate - if I've learned anything in my studies of others, it's that cooperation is the best way to ensure success! If you could introduce yourselves and tell me where it is you come from, I would be very grateful - let's make the most of this weird situation by working hard and working together!

[End feed!

...Ishimaru, please...]

Comments

because there is something seriously wrong with her

[nostabbing]

[So.

Sky, tho.

Sure is some sky right up there in the, y'know, yonder.

...

She's kinda not getting the whole staring at it thing though.

maybe

we need to go deeper?

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM.

Actually it's a pretty good thing she's never seen Inception or she might've actually made that particular noise there with her actual mouth right here. Legit.

Still just starin' at that sky, bro.]

[ardent]

[Fortunately enough Inception is one of those things that's going to be restricted to meta references that neither of them will understand

because honestly, he would have jumped half a mile and promptly demanded to know why she was being a foghorn

and that wouldn't have ended very well for either of them.

it may have, in fact, have gotten dumber than things already are.

and don't get me wrong, things are already pretty dumb

I mean

he's kind of alternating between staring and swiping at his eyes a bit because crying at the sky is a thing that he does apparently

and Ishimaru has exactly zero sense of shame about the crying but it's kind of hard to see the sky with the tears in the way

not like there's anything to be looking at up there in the first place really

I mean you're kind of a sis, ninjablonde, for looking at this with him, thank you for not being a foghorn]

[nostabbing]

[Hey, anytime, eyebrowbro. That sky up there sure ain't gonna look at itself.

...Because it's not like it has eyes.

Unlike potatoes. Potatoes have eyes.

Which is pretty weird, if you think about it, because potato roots come out of potato eyes, but roots are like the potato feet, which means that potatoes have feet coming out of their eyes, and that's pretty weird.

Like can you imagine a foot just coming out of your eye? That'd be weird.

Like instead of crying veritable rivers of tears you'd be crying veritable rivers of feet. Feetears. Footears. Footies. Tears. Things. Yeah.

Meanwhile, some brave person who hasn't been completely put off by the sheer WTFery of these two random people breaking their necks staring up at exactly nothing in the heavens above makes the unfortunate mistake of brushing past Parker, which means she not only gets their wallet and half the contents of their pocket, but a rather nice monogrammed handkerchief, as well. Nifty.

Silently, she holds it out to Ishimaru, still not looking away from the sky.

Here you go, man.]

[ardent]

[Well, actually, potatoes are stolons which means that the eyes are closer to nodes and what you're referring to as roots are actually new stems

so if we're going to be really technical it's probably closer to giving birth, given that it's new life coming forth from potato ovaries

...god, potatoes are covered in ovaries.

Anyway, Ishimaru studies entirely too much and has no life and would gladly tell you this if he knew this was a concern

(though he'd probably blush something fierce at it because what is discussing anything involving reproduction)

but then that might turn this into a really awkward mental picture about giving birth through the eyes which is not something he really wants to think about

he's sure Yamada could tell you all about it if Yamada was here though

Yamada likes weird anime and while Ishimaru does not like weird anime so much he's pretty sure that's probably been covered somewhere

That said, however, he appreciates the handkerchief because you really are a sis and ASHDBFGSJDGHDFGKHJKGHJ WHERE IN THE GOOD HELL DID YOU COME FROM MADAM]

Ah...! Wh-What?!

[...eloquent, Ishimaru.]

[nostabbing]

[Oh, good, he said something. Now that the spell of silence is broken, she can finally get an answer to the Great Sky Mystery of '13.]

What are we looking at?

[...what?]

[ardent]

We...?

[........]

How long have you been here?!

[nostabbing]

I dunno, like ten minutes?

[She shrugs.]

You were just standing around looking at stuff.

[ardent]

Ah...w-well, it's a magnificent night out, I saw no reason why it shouldn't be appreciated!!

[...mmmnnnnngh manners went where come on Ishimaru you're slipping here

just let him snap to attention, hands down at his sides, and offer you a bit of a bow here.]

My name is Ishimaru Kiyotaka; good evening, and it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance!

[nostabbing]

[Appreciating the night...by staring blankly off into space...?

...

Wait a minute, isn't that kind of what people did at art galleries? Yeah, they'd do that thing where they'd just walk around and stare at the paintings instead of stealing them. And that was supposed to be fun or something.

Wow, this guy must be super well-adjusted if he can do that with the boring old sky instead of something that at least comes with a massive price tag and a ridiculously intricate security system.]

Hi! I'm Alice. White. I'm Alice White.

[THAT SURE IS HER NAME, ALL WHITE— ...RIGHT.]

So you appreciate stuff by staring at it?

[ardent]

[Ishimaru. Well-adjusted.

Sure!]

Well, if you appreciate it, why wouldn't you look at it?! Staring at something is definitely appreciation - unless you're staring at something that dislikes the staring, at which point you should probably stop because it's improper to do otherwise!

[nostabbing]

You mean someone, right? 'Cause a thing wouldn't...notice...staring.

[...]

Would it?

[IS THE SKY WATCHING US RIGHT NOW.]

[ardent]

[GOD HE HOPES NOT]

...that's not the point! You understood what I meant. I think.

[nostabbing]

[Maybe that's why potatoes grow underground. So their eye-ovaries aren't hanging out in plain sight for the sky to stare at.

#logic]

I think.

[Probably. Yes. We'll go with that.]

So you're just appreciating the sky.

[ardent]

Yes, that's what I was doing!

[...]

What were you doing out here with me, anyway?

[nostabbing]

Walking.

[Beat.]

And then seeing if you were dead.

[Beat.]

And then appreciating the sky too, I guess.

[ardent]

[boy

that escalated quickly]

And why would I have been dead?!

[nostabbing]

You were standing really still.

[Also crying like a prepubescent girl at the end of Titanic.]

[ardent]

Most people aren't standing when they're dead.

[Or, you know, crying like a prepubescent- HEYYYYYY.]

[nostabbing]

Mummies are.

[CAN'T FIGHT HER ON THAT ONE, CAN YOU.]

Besides, weird stuff happens here all the time. Like the ledges you can only fall down, but can't climb up. Or the thing about how if you die in the wilderness you just get zapped back to the hospital without actually dying. You could've gotten glitched or frozen in the middle of the game or something. So I checked.

[ardent]

But I'm obviously not -

[...okay, wait, he's not even going to argue that anymore in favor of focusing on the whatever-it-is you just said.]

Wait. Wait! What do you mean, "without actually dying"? Do people not die here?!

[nostabbing]

[She shrugs.]

That's what everybody says. I think it's because of how the game works, like you've just got a million lives or something. I dunno, I didn't try it or anything.

[ardent]

[...nonononono

what are you talking about

games are bad

games that involve

dying

are bad

this is not good not good notgoodnotgoodnotgood]

What...what sort of game are you talking about?!

[nostabbing]

This.

[She motions expansively with one hand (thankfully having pocketed the wallet that was previously in it already, or that might've been a little awkward to explain) to the surrounding area.]

It's a video game. That's why there's background music that everybody hears.

[As opposed to the things that occasionally only she hears.]

[ardent]

[Parker. Parker, u ok]

That isn't possible, though!

[nostabbing]

[NOPE NOT IN THE LEAST.]

Why not?