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Entry tags:
IC Contact/Voicemail
"You've reached Kiyotaka Ishimaru; I seem to have missed you! My sincerest apologies for that - but if you leave your name and state your business, firmly and concisely, I'll return your contact as soon as I can!
Until then, I look forward to speaking to you; do what you can to make your day pleasant and productive, and be sure to keep your head up!"
[Please state in the subject line if OOC planning is preferred and we can handwave like the wind, but otherwise IC will be assumed!]
[voice] 11/21
Hagakure-kun...?
[okay okay he's up what is going on]
I don't think you have, no. Did you want to?
[...NO, HONEY, THAT'S ONLY THE REASON HE CALLED.]
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Oh man, yeah you gotta hear it so I definitely want to.
First of all, d'you know what cattle mutilation is?
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This is about aliens.
[You can just imagine the body language going on on Hagakure's end right now.]
They go around abducting cows and experimenting on them, take the resources they need from 'em and then leave the remains behind! It can be a big problem for farmers sometimes.
OH MY GOD SETO THAT LINK NEARLY MADE ME SPIT DRINK
[Holy shit, why does no one tell him these things - ]
And you have some sort of story about this?!
C:
[He takes a deep breath. This is where things get serious. He even adds some dramatic flair to his voice for added effect as he tells the story.]
So one night I ordered a burger from a burger joint that claimed to have 100% beef patties. That's what I like, not the ones that are all sorts of animals ground up. That's what you call a tragedy!
Anyway, it was pretty late so I started heading home with my burger...when all of the sudden, a blinding light appeared in the sky above me! And to my utter surprise, it turned into a beam that started taking my burger away! But that's not the craziest part, my burger started breaking apart in the beam! The spaceship took off with only part of my burger patty and dropped the toppings and remaining meat into my hands!
D'you get it, Ishimaru-chi? The burger wasn't 100% beef after all! The aliens would've taken it all for their research if it was! The guy at the burger joint totally ripped me off!
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[I mean the whole thing is kind of a trainwreck in and of itself, but - ]
I can't blame you for being angry over it - false advertising of that sort shouldn't be tolerated and deserves to be punished like the injustice that it is!
[...WELL ALL RIGHT THEN.]
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And here's Hagakure, completely stunned by Ishimaru's reaction because he was expecting stunned silence on the other end like it always goes when he tells that story.
Ishimaru, you never cease to amaze him.]
Y-You...you totally get me, Ishimaru-chi. It's total injustice!
Don't worry though, it all ended on a good note. The guy gave me a refund when I confronted him about it.
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[...wait for it...]
...You told him that your burger had been abducted by aliens, though?
[...there we go.]