ardent | IC Contact/Voicemail

Poor guy. I kinda get how that feels; it's hard to trust people again after you've lived through shit.

[Well, this conversation got awkward, fast.]

Anyway, I don't think you should give up on your starter! But maybe you got to be less strict with him and try and win him over to you. Go out and do some fun stuff with him. Aoi likes swimming a lot, so sometimes I take her out and we go and have some fun at the river.

Aoi's my Buizel, so don't get any wrong ideas!

Well, I would hope that's the case; otherwise you'd get a reprimand for inappropriate behavior! But I'll do what I can; again, the full circumstances are something I'll have to explain to you in person sometime, I think.

[He hesitates once he's gotten all that down, hovering between saying something and not saying something; it's awkward, yes, but...]

And I think I have a better idea of what you're talking about now, with regards to the beginning of that; something...happened, to give me perspective. I'm surprised you're willing to keep in contact with us after all of that; I'm grateful for it, though.

Well duh. That's a no-brainer. It's not like I can cut off from you guys just like that. Even if I tried, I don't think you'd let me off the hook.

And it wasn't like I

[The sentence is left incomplete for awhile, before another reply pops up.]

Hey. Maybe this kinda thing should be talked over the phone? Plus I'm getting real tired of typing.

Ah...of course, Kuwata-kun! I wouldn't mind.

[And switching over to voice right now.]

Thanks.

So like I was saying I think...I can't really blame you guys. For doing what you did. I mean, don't get me wrong. Everytime I think about it I still get all mad as fuck, 'cause hello? I'm talkin' to the people who got me killed! Even now, when we're here and everything's supposed to be OK...I don't feel OK. Talking to you, hanging out with Hagakure...sometimes I just remember all the shit that went down. It just, just makes me so angry Ishimaru, you have no fucking clue how it feels like. Thinking that everyone wanted to see you dead.

...but I know that shit ain't right. What happened to us was fucking messed up. And it messed us all up. You, me, and everyone else.

Shit, I'm just rambling...look. I...know it's not you guys' fault. Even if I don't feel it. But I know it's a fucking fact, if that makes any sense?

[He'll respond with the same, of course. He can't say that it'll make it any easier - if anything, he's found he likes text, just because he can go over what's being said and actually see his responses before he gives them - but he'll oblige without complaint, anyway.]

...I don't know what it's like, no, not entirely. But I...

[He hesitates for a moment before just pushing on with it.]

I was killed for money. That was the motive that was presented, a large amount of money - something like ten billion yen, if I'm remembering what I was told correctly. From what I understand, I was specifically selected because I was an easy target, due to something that had happened earlier.

The person who was responsible for it is here, and I'd just gotten into an altercation with them before you arrived; I...think that's part of why our first conversation went so badly - many of the things that were said were out of line on my part. I was riled, but that isn't an excuse.

But I...think I understand what you mean, about knowing things but not feeling them. It's been like that for me in dealing with the person I've mentioned to you just now; I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to experience that toward everyone.

...I know who killed you, ok? I haven't spoken to her since the party but she's been nothin' but a real bitch to me. I dunno how you can talk to her without flippin' your shit Ishimaru, but what I don't get is why you're even tryin' in the first place.

[And that...that actually manages to settle him a bit; it's a relief, in some sick way, to know that Kuwata is already aware of the situation. Maybe he's just tired of trying to defend Celes, because when it comes down to it he can't shake the feeling that she doesn't deserve it; it's hard to say.

He's quiet for a long moment afterwards, though, picking at the fabric of his sleeves with his free hand before he realizes what he's doing and makes himself stop.]

...Why wouldn't I?

[The question is more subdued than usual, most of the forcefulness gone; it's somewhere between genuine and rhetorical, not demanding an answer but leaving a space for one anyway.]

...because she tried to kill you? It's not-!!

[There's a sharp pause on Leon's end; he's aware of how sensitive the issue is. He's been there in this situation before, still is actually, and he knows how it feels like to be asked the hard questions. So for once, he's going to exercise a bit more tact and sensitivity. No comebacks, no snide remarks.]

...no one would blame you if you decided to cut her out of your life.

That's true...but at the same time, she was in the same situation the rest of us were. None of us are innocent, Kuwata-kun; besides, she's going to be caught and punished for what she's done, to the fullest extent that a human being can be punished. Punishing her further would be vengeance, not justice, which I'm not interested in pursuing.

Don't misunderstand me, Kuwata-kun; I still find it unforgivable, and I'm angry with her.

[He cuts himself off abruptly for a moment; that...actually isn't anything that he's voiced aloud to anyone, and it takes him a moment to work out how he feels about that. It's cathartic, in a way, so much so that it almost seems wrong.

He kind of laughs a bit, the sound strange and awkward.]

I'm very angry with her, to be honest! But it wouldn't be right to hold it over her head like the Sword of Damocles, either - she's our classmate as well, and someone has to be responsible for her, right? And the way she acts, no one else is going to do it!

[...ISHIMARU. YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THINGS LIKE THAT.]

[Ishimaru don't laugh like that. Leon already thinks you're socially maladjusted; now he's going to doubt your sanity. Just a tad.]

Umm, no. You don't have to be responsible for her. Nobody has to! If you wanna let her off the hook here then that's your decision, but all I'm sayin' is that you don't have to deal with her if you don't want to.

Besides, this so-called justice you're talkin' about...you're saying that she's gonna get caught, right? But she hasn't and it looks to me like she's not sorry at all. So have you really got your justice yet?

[...Well, in all fairness that might not be an unfounded doubt...

That said, however, there's no hesitation in Ishimaru's voice when he replies.]

Justice's role in our lives is to ensure safety and prosperity both - to make it so that we can be the best we can be, and to keep others from deciding that they have the right to choose who has a fighting chance in life. Once someone dies, though, I think the situation changes; people speak of finding justice for the dead, but I don't think that's what it is! For example, people like Fujisaki-kun wouldn't want harm to come to anyone; Fujisaki-kun would want to forgive, rather than destroy, anyone who had done wrong! Seeking justice on behalf of the dead makes no sense, then; doing so is a way of exacting vengeance, using the dead's name as an excuse. It's flawed logic from the start!

Once someone dies, the justice carried out is for the living, not the dead - to satisfy the punishment required by the breaking of the law, and to start the healing process on all sides. Those who survive past that trial have all come from a point where they've already seen Celes-kun executed, and therefore justice has been done.

It isn't my place to speak for the others, obviously, and if they want to decide that the way things are isn't enough, that's their choice! I won't argue with them about it, because it's not really my place to say, given the circumstances; in the end, it's theirs, I think, and I won't begrudge them their feelings one way or the other. At the same time, I won't stand for anything happening to Celes-kun, either, because that would be vengeance, not justice. Do you understand?

[...that was a pretty long rant Ishimaru, but for once Leon's actually trying to follow what his classmate is saying.]

You talk about healing, but...I dunno, doesn't sound like you're doing much of that. And not everyone's like Fujisaki-san either. And...and what happened to her isn't the same as what went down for ya, even if it both ended the same way. I mean...nobody murdered Fujisaki-san for money. And the person who did it didn't mean it, right?

Has Celes even apologized to you yet?

Edited 2013-10-20 00:45 (UTC)

Of course she hasn't - do you really think she's going to?

[It's a rhetorical question, rather than anything that's demanding an answer.]

I'm not interested in hearing any sort of apology from her, though; it likely wouldn't be genuine, even if she offered one.

That's the point.

She's probably not feeling sorry, or bad, that she killed you. But you still want to look out for her. She's just taking advantage of you.

She's still one of ours, Kuwata-kun, regardless of what she's done!

So? Enoshima was one of us too, and in case you forgot she fucked us up! You sayin' if she got here, you're gonna pick her up and throw her a fucking welcome party!? Fuck that, she might be a classmate but hell if I'm gonna pretend and play nice with her! No, I'd tell her to stay the fuck away and I'm not gonna give a shit even if she's eaten by a Gyrados. I'd be more worried if the snake gets a stomach ache from chewing on something with that kinda crazy!

What?! Celes-kun wasn't the one to put us in that position, and Enoshima and Ikusaba were the ones responsible for her actions - whether she's repentant about it or not, we have no reason to believe that Celes-kun would have acted as she did were it not for their interference and orchestrations! There's no comparison to be made there at all!

Enoshima and Ikusaba both deserved what happened to them, as far as I'm concerned, and if we find a way to bring our classmates here by our own will, I'm not going to allow either of them entrance to this place! I've already made the others aware of my stance on that; it's time you knew it as well!

[And he definitely has strong feelings on it, given that he almost never drops the honorifics; as far as he's concerned, those two aren't deserving of the acknowledgement.]

Except for the fact that Celes tried to kill you for money. What part of that do you not fucking get?? She didn't kill you because she was scared, or forced. She wanted to kill you because she wanted to get rich!!

Look, I'm not saying you should try and get back at her. I'm just saying that she doesn't deserve to be given a second chance if she hasn't proven that she's sorry about what she did to you!

[He's quiet for a moment after that, though his breaths are quick, shallow, somewhat audible over the connection; he isn't crying, but it takes him a moment before he can say anything anyway.]

...Who told you about this? Was it Oowada-kun, or someone else?

...does it matter?

[The reply takes a few seconds, and is much more subdued than his normal fervent argumentative tone. In truth, Leon's starting to worry; had he pushed Ishimaru pass some point of no return?

The only sound coming through the receiver, is Leon's own quiet breaths, before there's a soft curse.]

...shit.

Ishimaru, I...I'm sorry if what I said hurts, ok? I didn't mean it.

[He doesn't quite understand why Kuwata is backpedaling all of a sudden; it takes him a moment to reply again, but at least when he speaks it becomes clear through tone that he's a bit lost.]

No, no, it's...

[...um. Wait.]

Well, of course it...

[...okay, more than a bit lost. Mnnngh.]

It's all right, Kuwata-kun. I just want to know if you have the whole story or not. Oowada-kun doesn't know everything.

[There's an incredibly audible sigh of relief as Leon slumps against the wall, running one hand through his hair.]

Y-yeah, well...sometimes I tend to just say shit without thinking it through.

...a-are you ok? I got really worried for a sec there.

Of course I am...?

[Well, now he's just confused.]

I mean, it's not a nice thing to hear, but it's true enough, I guess; it's nothing to worry about, at any rate.

If you say so.

...man, we need to stop doing this huh? This is like, the third time in a row. Maybe we should just make a promise to never talk about what happened.

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