006. Text/Action for Violet City

[ardent]

[TEXT]

[Today's post is a bit different, the usual video completely absent; he's not been much in the mood for talking to others lately.

However, there are reasons why he thinks he probably should. So text it is.]

As much as we don't always understand or like it very much, the experiences we've had in this place are things to be cherished, I think. It's a good opportunity that we've been given, to meet others we might never have known and share ideas that we might never have come across otherwise.

I feel very blessed to have met all of you. If I haven't spoken to you, then I want to eventually; I'm sure there are things we can learn from one another, if given the opportunity. I still haven't found what it is I'm supposed to do with myself here - but I don't think that stagnation is acceptable, either. For now, I think "working on making things right" is a satisfactory goal, and one that I need to keep in mind more often, maybe.

Either way, I hope that today is a good and productive day for you - and if not, that tomorrow will be better.

[...it's a little subdued and Not Exactly Okay - by Ishimaru's usual standards, anyway - but he sends it anyway; it's just something he's needed to get out there, really.

Somebody's dealing with his first sudden-disappearance-from-Johto experience over here; it's not going too well, but he's trying to get back on track the only way he really knows how.]


[ACTION]

[Ishimaru's been making himself scarce lately; he's used the few days he's had since turning twenty to throw himself into being a complete workaholic, and while that's been good for replenishing what he's spent (and he's been spending much more than usual over the last couple of weeks, something he's been feeling intensely guilty about), there have been other abovementioned reasons for his radio silence and general avoidance of everyone.

But he's off today and the streets of Violet City are welcome, even if he does seem a bit jittery. He's out of his normal uniform, for one thing, and it's still something he's completely unused to - the military-style boots are the same, of course, but he's got black pants on under them, the stiff ones he usually uses for travelling purposes despite the fact that he's doing nothing of the sort just now; as for the rest...he has no idea where Naegi even found the thing in Johto, but he is currently +1 trendy-as-hell hoodie, white with red and black accents and more zippers than he knows what to do with. He still feels more than a bit out-of-place wearing it, but it's something he could get used to. Maybe. The hood's dropped back over his shoulders; it seems to be...weirdly weighted down by something, and if he's seen at the right moment, there's what's undeniably some sort of cat in there, peeking out over his shoulder. Meowth, from the look of it. A very, very runty one, but a Meowth regardless.

Of course, he's got other reasons for the nerves, apparently; he comes to a stop outside the local bar, looking up at it in the way that one does when they know they have absolutely no reason for going in there and are probably going to get thrown out because...well, god only knows why. It's a ridiculous notion, especially given that no one here seems to care about the local drinking age, if one even exists; Oowada had taken him in there shortly after his birthday, and he's come back frequently since, immediately after he's off work. Which wouldn't be too weird - he can do as he pleases, after all - if he didn't get off work in the middle of the afternoon.

Clearly, it's five o'clock somewhere.

However, once he slips inside, he's actually not interested in drinking; what's got his attention is the billiards table in the back room. That's where he goes immediately, setting the Meowth down on one of the nearby stools before picking one of the cue sticks off the back wall. It's not high-quality (nor is the table, really) but he's not going to complain; it's just for the sake of amusing himself, anyway. He'd noticed the setup when he'd come in here the first time, with Oowada; he hadn't played then, but it's what he's been coming back for.

Pool is geometry, when it comes down to it - geometry and physics, all angles and force and arcs; even so, he's still not sure where he picked up how to play. It's just something he knows how to do; if he were to dwell on it for long enough, he'd likely think that it's something he doesn't remember due to the incident in the school. But for now, he doesn't want to think; he racks up easily, and when he shoots, the break is a clean one.]

Comments

[diamondo]

That's...

[...a good point, sadly enough...]

Alright, yeah, I could see that, but we're not gonna talk about whether Celes is an alien or not!!

[ardent]

Would you prefer going back to the discussion about why she would be interested in the first place?!

[...]

...She's from before the third trial, anyway. So I don't see what would have changed her mind in such a short amount of time.

[diamondo]

I dunno. She's weird though, so I can't really say I'd be surprised if she did decide she liked you all of a sudden. 'Sides, she could have given you some other kind of flower or at least a different color of rose! It just looks suspicious, that's all I'm saying.

[ardent]

...That had to do with our discussion in Goldenrod, actually. The specific color she gave me.

[diamondo]

Yeah? What was that discussion about?

[ardent]

[Oh, for the love of - ]

Kyoudai, why is this important...?

[diamondo]

You can't say shit like that and not expect me to ask about it! I'm just curious!

[ardent]

And if it mattered, I'd tell you!

[diamondo]

You didn't tell me about the motive and that fucking matters!

[ardent]

And it hurts, doesn't it, to have someone refuse to tell you something you would consider important, no matter how many times you ask?!

[The words are sharp, angry, and it seems to take him a moment to even realize what he's said; just the same, he doesn't seem inclined to take it back, either, his hands clenching at his sides again.]

[diamondo]

What the fuck are you--

[But he figures it out before the words are all out there and Mondo takes a step back, expression open and for a brief moment, hurt. He's quick to find the anger again though.]

That was fucking different!

[ardent]

[Ohhh fucking no you don't.]

What part of it was different, kyoudai?! You've been doing this to me for months now!

[diamondo]

[He's about to counter that when something occurs to him. Yes, his first thought was about the whole mess with Daiya, but that's not the only thing he's lied to Ishimaru about. He's lied about training with his Pokémon, he's lied about wanting to fight Ryder, he's lied about a lot of things, hasn't he?

Mondo sits down on the bed, resting his elbows on his knees. The weight of what he's done is finally hitting him, and he's pretty sure he's not strong enough to deal with it.

When he finally speaks, his voice is subdued and he doesn't turn to look at Ishimaru.]

...I'm sorry. Words aren't gonna make up for it, I know that. I guess I didn't realize how often I was lying to you 'cause it didn't seem like a big deal. You don't deserve that shit. I'm so fucking sorry.

[ardent]

No.

[The word leaves him before he can stop it; again, he doesn't seem to want to take it back, either. He shakes his head a bit before he continues.]

No. I made sure you knew that it was important - you promised me, and you of all people should know how important that is! And you kept saying that you knew you could tell me anything and then turning around and lying to my face, and every time I did find out you treated me like...like I'm stupid, like I wouldn't be able to tell, and apparently...apparently there's some merit to it because from what I've heard that's what everyone does!

[He seems to realize, at that point, that he's screaming and pissed off and that somewhere along the line he's started crying again; he swipes at his eyes angrily, but otherwise he doesn't do anything to try to stop it.]

I'm sick of it, all right?!

[diamondo]

[Mondo suspects he should be feeling more than he is; Ishimaru's in tears after all, he can hear it, even if he isn't turning around to acknowledge it - but he feels numb. Sure, he feels guilty, but even that is something that feels far away as opposed to something he's actively experiencing. He doesn't understand why this is happening, but he doesn't dwell on it either.]

I didn't do it 'cause I thought you wouldn't be able to tell. I'm not that shitty.

[He still doesn't turn to face Ishimaru, he can't.]

I'd promise you that I won't do it again, but I guess that won't mean anything. There isn't really anything I can do, is there?

[He's gone and screwed up the most important relationship he has left and he's not even feeling anything about it. That thought should make him angry at the very least. He's a bit startled to find out it doesn't.]

[ardent]

[And there's something about that that he doesn't...like, something sending an odd shock through his system, and he steps back a bit, pressing his back against the wall so he can fold in on himself a little and just cry for a moment. It hurts, and he hates it, and he's dimly aware that it's accompanied by those strange, distressed noises that he's not always in control of; while he doesn't seem inclined to move anytime soon, he's aware that he can't just...not answer, either, and he does try to force himself to use words properly, even if there are very few of them.]

I don't...I don't know...

[His voice breaks a bit; he swallows hard, trying to get control over himself again.]

I-Is that it, then?

[Again, he knows it's not what he wants to say; it's just the closest approximation of it.]

[diamondo]

[Is that it, then? Is this really all over because he screwed up repeatedly? For a moment he's tempted to say yes, that there isn't anything else to be done. That's it. It's over.

That's about the point where he starts feeling again - admittedly it's disgust at himself for giving up so easily, but at least it's a feeling - and Mondo's head snaps up and he turns to look at Ishimaru. The anger is back, but it's coupled with determination he hasn't felt like this in quite some time.]

There's no fucking way this is over! You think I'm just gonna give up 'cause I fucked up? No fucking way!

[He gets up and approaches Ishimaru, crouching down beside him and resting a hand on his shoulder. Mondo's voice softens, but he still sounds just as determined.]

I'm not giving up. I don't care how long it takes; I want you to trust me again. You're my brother, and giving up on our friendship's not an option, you hear me?

[ardent]

[Ishimaru tenses up immediately at that hand on his shoulder, his head jerking up abruptly to look Mondo in the face; he doesn't seem upset by it as much as he does surprised, and for a long moment he just kind of stares, eyes wide, as though trying to figure out what just happened.

And then he surges forward, clearly deciding to forego this entire shoulder business in favor of hugging Mondo tightly; though the tears aren't quite subsiding yet, he can feel the relief coursing through his system, and he doesn't seem inclined to let go anytime soon.]

[diamondo]

[Mondo's response is just as quick, he moves to wrap his arms tightly around Ishimaru. He doesn't speak for a long moment, just allowing Ishimaru to get the tears out of his system.]

I'm never gonna ditch you, okay? Even if you can't believe anything else I say, believe that. Please. 'Cause I'm never gonna leave you.

[ardent]

...Okay. I...okay.

[It's muffled as hell, but there's nothing backhanded about it; at least he's willing to believe that much.]

[diamondo]

We'll always be together, kyoudai. No matter what, I'll always be here for you.

[He's so relieved to hear that. He's not really sure what to do with it, so instead he focuses on playing with Ishimaru's hair in an attempt to calm his friend down.]

[ardent]

I'd like that.

[...]

...I'm pretty sure that's cheating, though. What you're doing.

[Although whether the hair-playing is cheating or not, he doesn't sound genuinely displeased with it either way.]

[diamondo]

You can't expect a gang leader to play fair, now can you?

[It's rather obvious that he's trying not to laugh though and he ruffles Ishimaru's hair affectionately.]

[ardent]

[Well, that does get him to laugh, and he squirms a bit under that ruffling there, though he's not trying too hard to get away from it.]

So you admit it! You'd better be willing to accept consequences for it, then - am I going to have to make you write lines for me, kyoudai?

[...holy shit is he being facetious I think he is]

[diamondo]

[Oh my god improvement!!]

You know I'll just skip out on 'em, so why waste your time, huh?

[He laughs too though, quite pleased with Ishimaru's words.]