011. [Video/Action for Goldenrod City]

[ardent]

[Well, it's been a while since Ishimaru's actually been around via video; he's had a rough go of it over the last few weeks and it shows - he looks incredibly tired and he still doesn't seem to have been eating very much, and he's still looking a little dead behind the eyes compared to the usual intensity.

But for the most part he looks reasonably put-together, and he's outside, and even if it's more than a bit overcast and admittedly cold as balls he doesn't seem to mind the cold; this may have something to do with the fact that he appears to have ditched the school uniform for today in favor of a rather thick black coat, and he's got a different scarf on than the usual red one he wears - this one isn't quite as long, but it's patterned after Ho-Oh's plumage. Something he got for Christmas, really; it's about time he wore it out somewhere. And he's...certainly somewhere; it looks like one of those parks near the Center.

His gaze flicks awkwardly to the side before he speaks; it takes him a moment to find words, but when he does he tries to keep them coming, and keep them steady, and dear god it's been a while since he's been this shouty at the network in general but it's clear that whatever he's been doing, it certainly hasn't been figuring out what an acceptable level of volume is.]

There...there have been a lot of people who have come up missing lately, I think, and there have been a lot of new arrivals as well! For those who are missing someone - friends of those sent home - I...I understand that it's often difficult to move past it, and that it's a lot to take in at once! For some of us, it's better that they're sent home because maybe they have important things to do or other people to take care of; for some it...it isn't, and that can make losing people hard, when you know that whatever they're going through is going to be bad for them...

[He trails off a bit; his eyes scan upward for a moment while he tries to gather his thoughts, though he seems to shake it off soon enough.]

But...please don't worry. If you want to discuss it, even if I don't know you, we can - you don't even have to give me your name or anything, if you don't want to! It can be over text if you'd like...

[...deep breaths, Ishimaru, you are fine.]

And for those who have just arrived - well, that's also a lot to take in at once, but for different reasons! I've been here for about ten months now, and I'm still getting used to how things are done. It's a learning process, but you'll get through it!

My name is Ishimaru Kiyotaka; I'm the Super High School Level Hall Monitor, from Hope's Peak Academy's 78th annual class. If that didn't mean anything to you, that's fine, but I think there are a lot of new arrivals for whom that does mean something - if I haven't spoken to you yet, please get in contact with me so I can do so.

[...Right. Right, um. Um. Um.

Almost done here. Almost.]

...Otherwise, everyone just try to keep your heads up and your gazes trained toward the horizon! I hope that today is a good and productive day for all of you, and if not, that tomorrow will be better - we all just have to remain strong, and not lose hope.

[End feed.

Ishimaru can still be found outside for a while after that's over, however; he still seems more than a bit aimless and like he's not entirely sure what he's even doing out there, and he seems to be zoning out quite a bit when he's not directly engaged in conversation or otherwise doing anything. But hey, "outside staring off into space" has to be at least vaguely better than "in the basement and staring off into space", right?]

Comments

[superordinary]

[ Knight; B8-C6. ]

Carmen-san said Ishida sounded like... um, a coping mechanism. Being you was too painful so you became someone else.

[ardent]

[Pawn; D2-D4.]

That's what I think as well, and why I'm saying it's not your fault.

You couldn't have known that I would do that. I don't think I expected to do that, either.

[superordinary]

[ Pawn; B7-B6. ]

I don't think anyone expected Ishida, to be honest. I thought talking to Alter Ego would just make you less.... um, 'broken' is the best word I can think of.

[ardent]

[Knight; B2-A3.]

...Are you angry with me at all? About what happened.

[superordinary]

[ Bishop; F8-A3, capturing the knight. ]

No, I'm not angry with you. All of it is Enoshima's fault.

[ardent]

[Pawn; B2-A3, capturing the bishop.]

That doesn't change what we chose to do in response to it, though, does it.

[superordinary]

[ Bishop; C8-A6. ]

She's the one who messed with our memories and backed us into a corner.

[ardent]

[He considers that for a moment, really.]

So by that logic, I would be wrong to be angry with Celes-kun. Correct?

[Knight; F3-G5.]

[superordinary]

Um, no, I don't think so...

[ Bishop; A6-F1, capturing the rook. ]

[ardent]

[Bishop; H3-F1, capturing the bishop in return.]

What's the difference, then?

[superordinary]

[ Rook; H8-H4, capturing the pawn. ]

Uh... um, I don't think it's wrong to be angry with her for doing what she did to you. There's no right or wrong way to feel about it.

[ardent]

[Bishop; F1-A6.]

...But I should be angry with Enoshima.

Either absolve all of us of guilt or absolve none of us, Naegi-kun.

[superordinary]

I'm angry with Enoshima because she's the one who manipulated us into doing things we wouldn't have normally done and gave us those motives. That's how I feel. You're the person who got killed by Celes-san and you're not wrong for feeling angry with her.

[ Queen; D8-G5, capturing the knight. ]

[ardent]

...I don't know if I do or not. Feel angry with her, I mean.

[King; G1-H1.]

Everything played out in the only way it could have.

[superordinary]

...How do you feel, then?

[ Pawn; F5-F4. ]

[ardent]

I hate myself. For what I did, and what I didn't do for the rest of you, and what I didn't do for myself. And I'm probably never going to stop hating myself for that.

[His words are perhaps disturbingly blank, despite their content; there's none of the usual passion behind them - rather, it sounds more like a recitation of fact than anything, no more involved than one would be when reading from a textbook.]

I hate Enoshima for not granting me five minutes to talk to my brother; I hate the knowledge that it wouldn't have mattered if she did, because he probably wouldn't have spoken to me anyway.

I hate the rest of you for killing him, and I hate myself for feeling that way because I know that isn't fair and it isn't right, and I hate myself for not caring how fair it is and doing it anyway.

[His voice still hasn't lost that unnaturally calm tone.]

I hate a lot of people, actually.

[Bishop; A6-B7.]

But that doesn't mean I want anything to happen to any of you. I hated everyone when we first woke up at the school, too, and the last thing I wanted was for any of you to die. It's still like that, and I actually like some of you and don't want to be angry with you anymore.

But I'm angry a lot of the time. I don't know if I'm any more or less so at Celes-kun than I am anyone else.

[superordinary]

[ Naegi isn't sure what's worse, the blankness of Ishimaru's words, or his hatred toward so many things. He wants to open his mouth and say something, give him some comforting words and tell him he shouldn't hate himself but he can't think of anything good and he doesn't think there's anything good he can say to that anyway.

So he simply stays quiet, listening to him without interrupting. I never would have thought Ishimaru-kun felt like this, he thinks to himself.

His fingers hover over the pieces as he thinks over his next move. It's a little difficult to focus on the game after listening to Ishimaru but eventually he shifts his rook from A8 to D8. ]

Um, you hated all of us when we first woke up? I don't understand.

[ardent]

[Pawn; E3-F4.]

I was under the impression that you were all geniuses.

[As though that explains everything.]

[superordinary]

...Eh? I don't get it. Aren't you one too?

[ Yep, he went there. Pawn; E6-E5. ]

[ardent]

[Ishimaru twitches sharply at that, though he's quick to return his attention to the board; it gives him something to focus on, though he's glaring more than anything at this point.

Pawn; F4-G5, capturing the Queen.]

No. Of course not; why would you think that?

[superordinary]

[ Naegi mentally curses for getting his queen captured so easily. Knight; C6-D4, capturing the pawn. ]

Because you were always at the top of your class at that school you went to.

[ardent]

[Naegi, were it anyone but you he would be going off right about how; as it stands, he just sort of takes a deep breath and tries to calm himself, even if his voice is incredibly tight when he responds.]

That was due to hard work and dedication to my studies, not any sort of genius or natural talent.

[Bishop; C1-E3.]

I would do my best in school itself, and then I would return straight home to study. If I finished early, I would study to pass the time.

My natural aptitude isn't any higher than yours.

[superordinary]

[ Knight; G8-E7. ]

Um, okay... I see. [ He still thinks Ishimaru's a genius, but saying that doesn't seem like a good idea. ]

Why the hate toward geniuses?

[ardent]

To be a genius...it's a blessing, I'm sure, to those who are granted it. But they know nothing of hard work and dedication - they try to change the world without having experienced anything in it, believing it to be their right to do so simply because of what they've been given, not because of what they've earned.

[Pawn; C2-C3.]

Without knowing the value of hard work and sacrifice, any progress you might make can't truly be considered progress - it's going to come down eventually. And when it does, and your natural aptitude isn't enough to save you...there's no one weaker than a genius at that moment.

[superordinary]

I don't think all geniuses are like that. Some probably are, but not everyone.

[ Kuwata comes to mind here, as Naegi recalls thinking about how god gave genius to the wrong person. ]

The way you're putting it makes it almost seem... personal, somehow. Where did the antagonism come from? I-if you don't mind me asking.

[ Knight; D4-B5. ]