ardent | 013. Text

Entry tags:

013. Text

[The text that hits the network from Ishimaru's device is surprisingly brief and to-the-point today; no video for now, though it's not because he's a broken mess this time, at least. Just at that weird point where he's exhausted and completely riled at the same time, so his body isn't really sure what it wants to do with itself.]

How do you hope that other people will remember you? Not necessarily after you die or anything, though you can answer for that, too.

It's nothing pressing; just something I've been thinking about today.

Whether you respond or not, I hope that today is a good and productive day, and if not, I hope that tomorrow will be better for you. Keep your head up.

[For those who are in the Dangan House today, Ishimaru can be found there; he's mostly looking after Parker while she's in her update coma, but he's not opposed to company.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That doesn't sound a bad thing to aspire to. I don't expect that myself because I was only close to a few people.

[...And the two who survived him probably hate him because he ran off to fuck up their world, so.]

Affects people though. How so?

Someone in my family left a very negative legacy; it was still affecting my family when I was brought here.

I looked up to him more than anyone in the world before it happened; those feelings didn't fade even after the incident, even though I wanted them to.

Explains why you put stock in merit before title. [Huh. Imagine that.]

He was one of those incompetent rulers you were talking about. The ones who gained their title through things they didn't technically earn, but rather because they were gifted in certain ways. He relied on things that ensured he didn't have to work for what he had, because they were just naturally given.

[...Man, how does he reconcile this. He's never met a Luxuror opposed to the whole...setup. Or whatever Ishimaru is.]

And he fell and you're branded for it.

I wouldn't say I'm branded - what happened was well-publicized but most people my age don't seem to know that I'm related to him in the first place. My last name isn't completely unique, so I guess that helps too.

But we inherited his debt, and to some degree we inherited his disgrace, and I'm trying to ensure that things like that don't happen so easily anymore.

I don't know a thing about that kind of family or what you hoped to do but my kind did have legacies of a sort and I can imagine that much. It can't have been easy to keep working despite.

If I was in a position to hurt my family like that I'm not certain what I'd think instead. Perhaps not care so long as they could be well off. As the child I doubt I did much for my parents reputation.

Wanting to help them was one of the things that was driving me to keep going in the first place; that and fixing things for people back home. The system needed to change, and I wanted to help see it through.

It's not something I can do anymore, though, even if I go back.

Because of the situation?

[Something dire involving a death by baseball and other assorted bad experiences. Mysterious mysteries.]

Something like that.

Same here. While here have you ever felt despite yourself like you've got nowhere left to go?

[I...well okay then]

[For a moment he considers denying it; he's got several lines typed down that do exactly that, actually, but in the end...well.]

Yes. All the time.

Leon and I used to talk about things like that.

[...pick your own implication...?]

Are you in the same sort of situation he's in, if you return?

Hardly similar, but I'm dead.

[...just...let him lock this, in case someone who doesn't know about him yet happens to stumble across the post later...]

I think I have maybe two or three more days, at the most.

That sounds worse than already being dead. I'm only mostly certain that I died and I still sometimes worry aimlessly about what could happen.

[let's have a super tactful conversation]

[...you're talking to the guy who can't read nuance. He's actually grateful for the lack of attempts at tact.]

I'm not really worried about being dead, actually. It's those three days I have left that worry me.

I think I just made the decision back home that makes everything go badly, too.

[Yikes.]

So you can't meet your end without regrets now.

I'm not sure if that's it, exactly; there were always going to be regrets, just because of the situation. I don't know how much Kuwata-kun explained to you, but it was always a given that several of us were going to die, I think. It was naive to think otherwise. And if some of us had to die, in some ways I prefer that one of them was me rather than somebody else.

It's just that...what's going to happen scares me, I guess.

Of course it does. You're a human being.

I think it'll be all right, though; I'm pretty okay with the idea of being dead, anyway, because I've had some time to get used to it and it...doesn't sound so bad, in some ways.

Doesn't, does it? There's some fair afterlives to be had. And if it has to happen some day or another perhaps there's something to be said for going while you're still young

[and about two seconds after sending that he goes "wait maybe that's a bit too"

".....oh well"]

[...Uh.]

How do you mean?

How do I mean what? [Since everything in that comment was questionable.]

013. Text

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]