004. Action for Violet City/Video

[ardent]

[ACTION]

[Perhaps strangely for the late evening hours on a Sunday, there are lights on in the school in Violet City tonight; Ishimaru usually avoids coming here in the evenings for that reason - surely it would look suspicious if someone were to come by and see that, or notice someone wandering around in there through the windows - but he has been coming by here once classes let out for the day once in a while, and tonight...well. It's been a long week.

It had taken him some time to convince himself that being here was okay (it is public property, as far as he can tell, so he's not in danger of trespassing, and surely it can't be breaking and entering if the door is unlocked); he'd run into a janitor yesterday who didn't seem fazed at his being there, and didn't seem to mind as long as he left things as he found them. It isn't as though he does much here, anyway; he mostly just wanders around, enjoying the feel of the place. Schools have always had very distinct feelings associated with them, as far as he goes; even his time in Hope's Peak hasn't managed to tarnish that.

About the only thing it's effected is the way he makes sure to leave the windows open and unblocked by shades while he's here.

So he's clearly visible to passersby, should there be any this evening, though he's got his back to the outside; he's got chalk in his hand, quickly adorning the chalkboard in front of him with words written briskly in steady, straight lines.

Live with simplicity, fortitude and vigor.

The foundation of hard work is the spirit to succeed.

Sacrifice is freely given, not yours to demand; give freely of yourself when possible.

Do what you can with your life; it's the only one you've been given.

Do not tear down when you can build up; do not destroy when you can create.

Respect all life as though it were your own.

They're simple phrases, really; things to be kept in mind, thoughts that he needs to remind himself from time to time. He thinks for a moment before scrawling one more down, and then he steps back, surveying his work.

We are not dead yet.

It had struck him as horribly morbid, when he'd first heard it; it's still painful, but it brings with it a dark sense of comfort. We are not dead yet.

That one gets underlined.]


[VIDEO]

[Well, judging from the background of the video, Ishimaru hasn't quite left the school building yet -

...all right, he's not even in the process of leaving, as several of those lines are still clearly visible on the board behind him, but still. He'll wipe them before he leaves, definitely.

However, for the time being, he has something of a question; it's been bothering him for quite some time now, actually.]

A lot of people seem to have been brought here during times of stress or conflict in their lives - in fact, almost everyone I've seen has been like that! Is there anyone here from a world that's actually peaceful and in order?

[It hasn't quite hit him that this isn't just something you ask people, good lord.]

Of course, even if things are dark for you now back home, the focus shouldn't be on futility, but rather on hope and possibilities! Even if your world is a dark one and your circumstances are unfortunate, it's still nice to hear about the positive times, so if you have any of those, they can be shared as well, if you like.

I hope that today was good to you, and if not, that tomorrow will be better - anything can be overcome with hard work, inner strength and cooperation!

[...again, it's been a long week, and he tends to solve issues with his own sense of spirit by screaming encouragement at others; it usually works, for the most part.]

Comments

[diamondo]

Nah, 'course not.

[.........]

Not that badly, at least.

[.....................]

Well, he's still getting used to his power, so I might bruise a bit, but it's not a big deal!

[ardent]

...if you say so. Just try not to be too reckless!

[That's about the most he's going to give, in terms of argument; the last time he'd tried to patch his brother up after one of his Pokémon injured him...well.

It hadn't gone favorably. To put it lightly.

He turns back to the chalkboard then; starts another line. Courage is not the absence of fear - ]

I didn't mean to concern you, if that's what happened - at any rate, Aiko should be around somewhere; she would have let me know if there was some sort of crisis.

[...but the belief that you can overcome your obstacles, despite that fear.]

[diamondo]

Ah, yeah, I know I saw her before I headed out to train...

[Uh oh, hopefully he didn't lose the little bbghost... He imagines Ishimaru wouldn't be too pleased with him if that's the case.

Anyway, that line catches his attention and Mondo tips his head, considering it for a moment.]

"Courage is not the absence of fear but the belief that you can overcome your obstacles, despite that fear." I guess that's one way of looking at courage. But what if you're genuinely not afraid? Does that still make your actions courageous?

[ardent]

[Ishimaru keeps his attention focused on the board rather than looking back at his brother; after a moment, he shakes his head.]

I don't think so, but it doesn't devalue the actions any! If you do a virtuous thing because you aren't afraid to do it in the first place, then it's still virtuous. Whatever you do in the absence of fear is no less impressive because you weren't afraid! But I don't think they can be called courageous.

[He reaches out, darkening one of the letters that wasn't as firmly-written.]

I've never known anyone who's never afraid, anyway.

[diamondo]

[Mondo opens his mouth, then promptly shuts it. He certainly can't say that he's never been afraid; that would be a horrid lie. He's been afraid far more times than he'd really care to mention. He's almost tempted to say that Daiya never seemed like he was afraid, but he's sure Daiya was scared of dying. That must have been terrifying.

He struggles for something to say for a moment before finally finding a good example of someone he's never seen afraid.]

What about you? You never seemed scared back in that fucking school.

[ardent]

Of course I was afraid.

[The admission comes both easily and bluntly; again, he seems to find no shame in it, and if anything he looks at Mondo a bit strangely before returning his attention to the chalkboard, writing as he speaks.]

I wanted to believe that no one would kill anyone else to escape - that we could all live peacefully, long enough to find a solution to our situation! Even...even when Maizono-kun died, and Naegi-kun looked so suspicious - it was difficult not trusting him, because I don't understand how someone could kill all of us just to save themselves!

But wanting to believe is one thing; the fact was that people could and were willing to kill each other for a chance to escape. That was always a very real possibility, especially since the situation was so desperate! I...I had to ask Naegi-kun myself if I was executed, back when we were in Goldenrod.

[We acquire the strength we have overcome.]

So of course I was afraid, kyoudai, why wouldn't I have been?

[diamondo]

You had to... what? You had to ask if you were executed? Of fucking course you weren't executed! You'd never hurt anyone!!

[You have more control than that. He doesn't say it. He can't bring himself to acknowledge his weakness, despite how obvious it is. Mondo moves into the classroom to sit on one of the desks, staring at Ishimaru's back.]

I can get why you were scared, but you did a damn good job of hiding it, kyoudai. But there's no reason why you had to ask. Of course you didn't kill anyone.

[He wants to physically reassure Ishimaru with a touch to the shoulder or something, but he can't handle the possibility that Ishimaru could flinch away. Sure, he might flinch if Mondo startles him, but he could flinch because he's scared. He wouldn't blame Ishimaru for being scared of him, not after what he did.]

[ardent]

[He actually smirks a bit at that, though he doesn't turn around; though his inflection is still a bit odd, it's obvious from his tone that that's pleased him.]

Of course I wouldn't hurt anyone - you know as well as I do that I would find that unforgivable! I would never have struck first; I don't doubt that at all!

[He pauses for a moment; he traces that underline again, beneath We are not dead yet.]

But that doesn't mean it was impossible for me to have killed someone. It may have happened in self-defense, or because I was trying to defend someone else; perhaps I misread a situation and something happened accidentally...there are many possibilities, kyoudai, I had to ask just so I could sleep at night. But no, I didn't think I murdered anyone.

[diamondo]

[That gets Mondo to relax and he's quick to grin in response.]

That's great! I mean, that you don't believe you did shit like that. And obviously I'm glad you can sleep at night and all that.

[He falters a bit as Ishimaru traces that underline, but he manages to recover well enough.]

I'm really glad nothing like that happened. I mean, shit, what happened wasn't much better, but at least you didn't hurt anyone.

[He decides to shut up there, since he's doing a great job of practically saying that he's upset with everything that's happened on his end. Ishimaru doesn't need to deal with that.]

[ardent]

[He hesitates for a moment before shaking his head a bit at that.]

I'm just relieved that whomever did it was caught in the end - I wouldn't be able to forgive someone who sacrificed the others to save themselves.

[It's never once crossed his mind that Mondo may be about to do that very thing back home; he's confident in the knowledge that his brother would never...

But he finally turns around anyway, chalk still in hand.]

...It won't do us any good to dwell on it here, anyway!

[It's a bit difficult to tell what he's talking about, really, whether it's Mondo's situation or his own. Possibly both; probably both.]

[diamondo]

Yeah, I know. I couldn't forgive something like that either.

[No, he's not planning on doing anything now, and he doubts he will in a few hours when he returns. He glances up at Ishimaru when his friend turns around and he nods a bit, clearly unsure exactly what Ishimaru is talking about.]

Yeah, I guess you're right.

[Isn't that what he's been telling himself? Isn't that how he managed to leave the hotel room today to actually train? He has other people and Pokémon here. There are other things to worry about here. He doesn't need to focus on what happened back home. He has no intention of ever returning, after all.]

It's best to not even think about it.

[ardent]

[He really should just leave that alone, shouldn't he...however...]

You have been anyway, haven't you?

[It's not really a question; either way, it comes out blunter than a cinderblock and about as sensitive.]

[diamondo]

[Mondo winces and folds his arms, immediately looking away. All the subtlety of a steamroller, Ishimaru...]

Y-yeah. I'm trying, I really am. But this shit ain't easy to move past. I feel like ignoring it'd be wrong anyway.

[ardent]

[He twists a bit, setting the chalk down along the edge of the board before continuing.]

Did you want to discuss it?

[diamondo]

[Mondo shakes his head and he's going to say no, he doesn't need to discuss it, but what he says is a whole different story.]

I spoke to Fujisaki the other day. I was so fucking tempted to ask her if I really did kill her, but I couldn't do it. If that hasn't happened to her yet, I don't want to scare her off, y'know? I really like her, she's a good friend. I'd hate to lose that. Not that I really have a fucking choice; shouldn't I cut off all ties with her 'cause of what happened? I shouldn't cause her any more pain or suffering, y'know? This whole fucking thing is so confusing and I hate not knowing what to do. I just... I can't believe it! I don't know how the fuck it happened, but I think I've got a pretty good idea. Fujisaki said she asked me to train with her. That would've given me the perfect opportunity to... to...!

[He leans forward then, moving to put his head in his hands. He can't bring himself to say it. Mondo's not aware of how badly he's shaking or just how loud he's gotten; even Pierce is looking around to make sure no one else is listening in.]

Shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be burdening you with this crap.

[ardent]

...you're acting like I didn't ask you about it just now.

[Really, kyoudai...

That said, however, he steps around the large desk at the front of the room to approach Mondo; he doesn't reach out to try to make contact with him, however, and he stops well short of touching distance.]

You need to remember that nothing has happened yet, and you aren't planning to do anything. You haven't done anything wrong!

[diamondo]

Well... well yeah, but I do something wrong in, fuck, less than twelve hours! If I return home, it's all fucking over. I don't know what to do, kyoudai. I'm...

[so fucking scared but he can't admit that. His pride won't allow him to admit that.]

Sorry. You're right; I haven't done anything yet. There's no sense beating myself up about it right now. We've just gotta focus on doing what we can for everyone here.

[ardent]

[He folds his arms across his chest at that, not seeming to notice or mind that he's likely going to get chalk dust from the fingertips of his right hand all over his sleeves.]

What were you going to say just now? I still think we should try to move forward, but you know that you can tell me anything!

[diamondo]

Ah, it's... it's nothing.

[Is there really any sense in keeping it from Ishimaru? Ishimaru is the one person he can talk to about this, isn't he? Keeping it from him would be stupid, wouldn't it?]

...I'm... shit, this entire thing scares me. I don't know what to do to make it better or prevent it or fuck, help in some way. It's like a fucking train wreck, y'know? I can see it coming, but I can't do anything to stop it.

[ardent]

This is why I didn't want to tell you about this - it's only going to hurt you from now on!

[He's clearly frustrated, but he isn't angry, certainly not with Mondo; with himself, maybe, a bit. But otherwise...]

I shouldn't have said anything to you - but there isn't any undoing it, now that it's been said. You can always talk to me about this, understood?

[diamondo]

It's not like I wouldn't have figured it out eventually anyway, kyoudai. Don't blame yourself, alright? It's better that I know. I wouldn't want to say something to accidentally hurt Fujisaki. I mean, if she's already experienced that...

[This is confusing.]

...Thanks. You're really too good to me.

[ardent]

No, I'm not - you know I've said I want to look out for all of you here.

[...was that another one of those answers that Mondo tends to not find acceptable? It was a bit impersonal, but surely it was fine...]

There's no such thing as being too good to you.

[diamondo]

[Well that second statement certainly helped!]

I really appreciate it. You've got no idea how fucking much that means to me, kyoudai.

[The fact that he can still call Ishimaru that after what happened means so much to him too.]

Shit, I've been so fucking worked up about all this. I'm sorry. I really will try to focus on what we're doing here instead of what happened - or will happen - back home. Moping around ain't gonna do anyone any good.

[ardent]

You have nothing to apologize for!

[He turns to look at those statements he'd been writing down on the board earlier; he points in that general direction, indicating one in particular, though it's likely a bit difficult to tell at this distance.]

The one above the "courage" statement you asked me about, the one I've underlined; someone here told me that. It sounds horrible at first, but it's done me a lot of good here!

[diamondo]

Ah, has it?

[Mondo tips his head, considering.]

It sounds horrible though. Yeah, we're not dead yet. But we've only got so much time. I guess I don't see how you can keep being so strong even after all this.

[It's admirable, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't jealous.]