006. Text/Action for Violet City

[ardent]

[TEXT]

[Today's post is a bit different, the usual video completely absent; he's not been much in the mood for talking to others lately.

However, there are reasons why he thinks he probably should. So text it is.]

As much as we don't always understand or like it very much, the experiences we've had in this place are things to be cherished, I think. It's a good opportunity that we've been given, to meet others we might never have known and share ideas that we might never have come across otherwise.

I feel very blessed to have met all of you. If I haven't spoken to you, then I want to eventually; I'm sure there are things we can learn from one another, if given the opportunity. I still haven't found what it is I'm supposed to do with myself here - but I don't think that stagnation is acceptable, either. For now, I think "working on making things right" is a satisfactory goal, and one that I need to keep in mind more often, maybe.

Either way, I hope that today is a good and productive day for you - and if not, that tomorrow will be better.

[...it's a little subdued and Not Exactly Okay - by Ishimaru's usual standards, anyway - but he sends it anyway; it's just something he's needed to get out there, really.

Somebody's dealing with his first sudden-disappearance-from-Johto experience over here; it's not going too well, but he's trying to get back on track the only way he really knows how.]


[ACTION]

[Ishimaru's been making himself scarce lately; he's used the few days he's had since turning twenty to throw himself into being a complete workaholic, and while that's been good for replenishing what he's spent (and he's been spending much more than usual over the last couple of weeks, something he's been feeling intensely guilty about), there have been other abovementioned reasons for his radio silence and general avoidance of everyone.

But he's off today and the streets of Violet City are welcome, even if he does seem a bit jittery. He's out of his normal uniform, for one thing, and it's still something he's completely unused to - the military-style boots are the same, of course, but he's got black pants on under them, the stiff ones he usually uses for travelling purposes despite the fact that he's doing nothing of the sort just now; as for the rest...he has no idea where Naegi even found the thing in Johto, but he is currently +1 trendy-as-hell hoodie, white with red and black accents and more zippers than he knows what to do with. He still feels more than a bit out-of-place wearing it, but it's something he could get used to. Maybe. The hood's dropped back over his shoulders; it seems to be...weirdly weighted down by something, and if he's seen at the right moment, there's what's undeniably some sort of cat in there, peeking out over his shoulder. Meowth, from the look of it. A very, very runty one, but a Meowth regardless.

Of course, he's got other reasons for the nerves, apparently; he comes to a stop outside the local bar, looking up at it in the way that one does when they know they have absolutely no reason for going in there and are probably going to get thrown out because...well, god only knows why. It's a ridiculous notion, especially given that no one here seems to care about the local drinking age, if one even exists; Oowada had taken him in there shortly after his birthday, and he's come back frequently since, immediately after he's off work. Which wouldn't be too weird - he can do as he pleases, after all - if he didn't get off work in the middle of the afternoon.

Clearly, it's five o'clock somewhere.

However, once he slips inside, he's actually not interested in drinking; what's got his attention is the billiards table in the back room. That's where he goes immediately, setting the Meowth down on one of the nearby stools before picking one of the cue sticks off the back wall. It's not high-quality (nor is the table, really) but he's not going to complain; it's just for the sake of amusing himself, anyway. He'd noticed the setup when he'd come in here the first time, with Oowada; he hadn't played then, but it's what he's been coming back for.

Pool is geometry, when it comes down to it - geometry and physics, all angles and force and arcs; even so, he's still not sure where he picked up how to play. It's just something he knows how to do; if he were to dwell on it for long enough, he'd likely think that it's something he doesn't remember due to the incident in the school. But for now, he doesn't want to think; he racks up easily, and when he shoots, the break is a clean one.]

Comments

[diamondo]

What fucking kind of personal gain? Do you know that too?

[He's beginning to get the feeling that Ishimaru knows a lot more than he's been saying...]

[ardent]

W-Why does that matter?!

[It's not a defense and he knows it; his expression probably says everything, anyway.]

[diamondo]

You do know! Why the hell didn't you tell me!? What the fuck did she do you in for anyway!?

[ardent]

Because it's not important!! It would just make you worry, anyway, and you don't need that!!

[diamondo]

I'm gonna worry regardless of whether you tell me or not, so you might as well get it over with!!

[ardent]

And if I don't?!

[diamondo]

I'll ask Naegi or one of the others!! They'll know!!

[Wow rude, Ishimaru. You're supposed to tell your bro about these things!!]

[ardent]

Don't you dare!

[Speaking of rude.]

Why does it matter so much, anyway?! Like I said, it's not important!

[diamondo]

How the fuck is it not important!? It's the reason she fucking killed you!! Or have you forgotten about that while you've been palling around with her, huh!?

[ardent]

[Well, if nothing else, that's caught him massively off-guard.]

What?! I-I haven't...!

[diamondo]

[Well, if anything, that just fuels his anger because that looks like he was right.]

I fucking knew it!! I thought something was fucking fishy with the way she gave you a fucking red rose for your birthday, but even before that you two spent time together in Goldenrod! Why the fuck would you hang out with her of all people!? She fucking killed you!! How the fuck could you put that aside, even for a fucking moment!?

[ardent]

Kyoudai, please calm down - you know I wouldn't find anything like that forgivable, don't you?!

[There's something like desperation edging into his voice, and he sort of hates himself for it; just the same, he can't seem to stop it. He's not crying, not yet anyway, but he's very definitely getting anxious about this entire thing - he has no control over it and he knows it.]

[diamondo]

What the fuck else am I supposed to think when you're spending time with her!?

[Sorry, calming down is out of the question. He's far too riled, if the way he's clenching his hands in the sheets is any indication.]

[ardent]

It's not like we're friends - I had to speak to her privately in Goldenrod about what happened! It wasn't a good or a pleasant conversation at all, it was just to verify a few things for myself; why would you assume I would want to be close to her at all?!

[diamondo]

Because you've been spending time with her! It wasn't just that time in Goldenrod! You talked with her at the party and you sure as hell didn't have to do that!!

[ardent]

Was I not supposed to?! We invited her and she showed up!!

[diamondo]

She killed you! Of fucking course you don't have to talk to her!!

[And to be honest, he didn't think she would show up...]

[ardent]

But I...!

[He flinches sharply, suddenly aware that there's no way to answer that that won't imply I wanted to, even though that isn't what he means at all; his gaze immediately darts away, his breathing shallow while he tries to find something, anything to say -

but you're never going to make progress on your own, you'll just keep "working on it" until someone holds your hand through it, and it's not like they will because they just want you to shut up and they think you're too stupid to understand

- and in the end, he decides to just not say anything, his hands forming fists at his sides; he shakes his head a few times, the gesture tight, but he doesn't respond verbally.]

[diamondo]

[There isn't any way Ishimaru can end that statement that won't upset Mondo, but the sudden silence bothers him much more than anything Ishimaru could have said. He doesn't move at first, just turning to look at Ishimaru. He takes in the shallow breathing, the strangled gestures, and the silence and Mondo's expression softens. He knows Ishimaru sometimes has issues getting the words out right and being stressed like this can't be helping any.

So after a moment of thought, Mondo gets up and approaches Ishimaru, reaching out to touch his shoulder gently.]

Hey. I'm sorry I snapped at you, alright? I'm just worried. I don't wanna see her hurt you.

[ardent]

[And for some reason, it's the soft touch on his shoulder that gets him to cry; he immediately drops his gaze to the floor, feeling himself start to shake a little, but at the very least he does nod acknowledgement after a moment.]

[diamondo]

[Well, shit. He should have seen that coming.

Mondo doesn't hesitate, he pulls Ishimaru forward into a hug, immediately moving to play with his hair.]

It's okay, kyoudai. Everything'll be alright.

[The words are softer than they usually are, if only because he doesn't know what to say. He's not sure what's making Ishimaru cry in the first place - it's possible Ishimaru genuinely didn't realize how that looked, but isn't it also possible that Ishimaru just hadn't considered that? That he'd been so wrapped up in keeping all their classmates safe that he hadn't even thought about the knowledge that Celes killed him? Hell if Mondo knows, but he'll do his damn best to comfort Ishimaru.]

[ardent]

[Ishimaru is quick to return the hug, at least, fingers twisting tightly into the fabric at the back of Mondo's coat; he begins to relax after a bit, the shaking starting to subside eventually, though his grip doesn't seem to be loosening any.]

...You don't need to keep reminding me about what she did. You keep saying that she killed me, over and over again. I know.

[diamondo]

[Mondo doesn't reply right away. Of course Ishimaru knows. That isn't something he could have forgotten, right? Saying it repeatedly isn't doing any good.]

I'm... look, I'm sorry, alright? I just don't get how you can spend time around her without going crazy. I won't keep saying it, alright? I'm sorry.

[ardent]

...it's fine, kyoudai. Don't let it trouble you.

[...]

And knowing what the motive was won't solve anything. It's just going to make you angry.

[diamondo]

Well, yeah, 'course it's gonna make me angry. But not knowing's just as bad.