ardent | 010. [Action for Dangan House/Text]

[ACTION]

[His first thought upon waking up is that he doesn't know where he is.

His body tenses immediately on that bed in the basement, jolting sharply awake as though he's been startled by something, as though he's just been sleeping and he's had a hell of a nightmare; his eyes are wide, his gaze shifting around the room as though he's trying to get some idea of his surroundings and what's happening around him, and he might just look disoriented if it weren't for the fact that his gaze is so blatantly unfocused.

He's taking in everything without really seeing it; his breathing is quick to even out, however, and after a moment his body relaxes against that futon he sleeps on, and any fear that may have been present in him is gone entirely, seeming to take any genuine fight he may have had along with it.

After a moment he sits up, and if he isn't hindered immediately by anything or anyone he'll get up and start pacing the length of the basement, the motion aimless and ultimately pointless, just something to do because...well, it's something to do.

He hasn't lost that odd, disconnected look in his eyes; he's not registering anything very well, that much is obvious.]

[TEXT]

[A text will be hitting the network shortly after Ishimaru wakes up and any discussions with people in person have been carried out; it's short and uncharacteristically careless, and he isn't paying much attention to the device after it's out there, though he'll respond eventually to anyone who replies.]

i'm awake

and i'm sorry

[OOC: Canon-updating completed, for good or ill.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think you've got that wrong.

Even if we don't remember, the time we spent here together won't fade away. The people you met and spoke with and befriended, even if you won't remember them, even if you leave this place, they still matter. The things you do and say here still matter.

The things we do and say will still have existed in this place. We'll still have been here. I think...that's really an important thing. And really a wonderful thing.

Even if someday we fade away, as long as this place remains and there are people here who live on, and people at home who survived and live on with the memory of those they lost - then it still matters.

That's what I think, at least. Life was never something anyone had any control over to begin with.

[...Well, the pause this time isn't because he's blanked out again, that much is for sure.]

stop it, nanami-kun. you don't understand.

sometimes it's not enough to think that people will remember you, if you're even right about that in the first place, and it's not enough to know that you were somewhere for a while.

this isn't something that you can look at like it's some sort of fact or logical thing, because it's not. sometimes people need to know that they actually did something. that their life amounted to something and that people will actually care when they're gone.

i just watched my only friend die because i couldn't save him. i nearly killed everyone else trying. in a couple of days i'm going to die alone because someone thought that i did something unspeakable to someone else, and it's likely no one is going to care except when it comes to finding the culprit so they don't all get killed. everything i'd dedicated my life to is wrong, everything i tried to do was for nothing.

everything i do here matters while we're here, but eventually everyone goes home and won't remember that, either.

you can't just say "if we fade away" when your existence was wasted in the first place.

[ ... ]

All right.

[ That's apparently it. She was asked to stop it, so she will. ]

[...well, you're getting the longest of pauses in response to that, but.]

i'm sorry.

[ She probably fell asleep. ]

You don't need to be. I'm not upset.

010. [Action for Dangan House/Text]

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