16. Video

[ardent]

[It's been a while since Ishimaru's been seen on the network; the time he's had lately that hasn't been given to travel has instead been given to routine, to settling somewhere up inside his head where socializing is less important than getting things done, even though he isn't entirely sure what he's supposed to be getting done anymore. It's not the best pattern to be in, and if he must be there at all he knows somehow that it's better if it's temporary - doing this for too long leads to loneliness and that weird sense of distance when interacting with people, almost like he doesn't understand them anymore despite the fact that he sees some of them daily, and he'd really prefer to avoid that.

But at the same time, the holding pattern is familiar, though it seems that part of it - not quite knowing what he's supposed to be doing with himself anymore - has been on his mind more often than not lately.

Either way, he wasn't at work today - the weather has been horrible for two days - and so he's just sort of been studying at home all day; thankfully the Eevees haven't let that be all he does today, and once in a while they seem to send Eeveemaru to get up on the table and..."help" with whatever it is Ishimaru is trying to do until he gives in and plays with the horde a bit.

He's got Eeveemaru with him when the feed pops up, the little fuzzball up on his shoulder and looking into the 'Gear a bit too fascinatedly and wearing that little white uniform jacket, as always; Ishimaru's actually not matching him, instead wearing a black coat and a scarf he's had for a while, patterned after Ho-Oh's plumage. It's sort of a warm outfit, given that he's indoors, but it's comfortable and it's soft and the evening hours have brought some chill with them despite the heat in the house anyway.]

One of the things I've started to like about this world is how it gives so many new opportunities - not just for making friends and getting to raise Pokémon, either, though that's obviously important also! But there are a lot of challenges as well...you find out a lot about yourself when you're somewhere so far from home, I think. Some of it's good, some of it's not so good - but it's all a learning experience, and I'm glad that I've gotten to go through that here!

It's a little confusing at times, though; where I'm from, there's a lot of emphasis on being the best at what you do. You always have to keep up and never let yourself slip; you have to know what you're doing at all times, and if you don't, you need to act as though you do. It's a lot of pressure, but the thing is that it's constant, and it may sound a little weird, but once something that's constant like that goes away, you can find yourself missing it - or at least, I sort of do, I think, just because that sort of structure and pressure always let me know what I should be doing with myself. This world doesn't give us as much direction, and that's...strange...

[He trails off a bit, thinking.]

But something this place has taught me, though - and I think it's a good thing! - is that a lack of structure and direction doesn't have to mean that there's nothing that can be done - this world actually rewards hard work and steadfastness far more than the one I'm used to. With enough dedication, we should be able to achieve whatever we want here due to the way this place rewards it - we can make what we want of our time here, instead of working toward a definite goal with a narrow margin of success! It's a very freeing concept; I'm not used to it, but I think I like it, or at least the message behind it.

I still don't have a set direction that I've trained my sights in, but I think I'll find it one day, if I work at it hard enough; I hope the same becomes true for the rest of you as well! Decide what you want and work toward achieving it; you have the chance to do that here, even if you didn't wherever you come from!

I hope you've had a good and productive day; if not, I know tomorrow will be better! So just keep your heads up!

[Aaaand end feed. Sometimes talking things out does help in some ways; who knew?]

Comments

video;

[scratchitti]

[Sota, Neku's Riolu, snuffles at the screen- he can't read Ishimaru's aura through the comm of course, but he can tell there's a lot of emotion going on here. And his attention gets Neku's.]

You know... I never thought of it that way, but you're right. It's... kinda like a vacation for the soul, cheesy as that sounds. You can do or not do as much as you feel you need here.

video;

[ardent]

[Ah, hello there! That's...huh.]

I wouldn't have thought to put it that way, but that's exactly what it is, yes! It's something to get used to, to be sure, but the experience can be as positive as you choose to make it!

video;

[scratchitti]

And knowing being here doesn't leave or hurt anyone back in our homes really helps too.

[ardent]

It does, yes - though due to how things are back there, I'd prefer it if the rest of them were brought here instead of worrying about things are going to go if we're sent back.

[scratchitti]

[Neku winces]

I felt the same way when I first came here- only having bad stuff to go back to. My set up got a lot better but I know that's not even USUALLY the case. I... hope your important people show up soon.

[video]

[samsa]

[Kaneki ends up watching the video twice before he actually responds. Unsurprisingly, anything he had thought of to say he loses a bit once he's actually got the feed going on his end, but he's...going to make the attempt to words, hold on.]

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do here yet, and I haven't been here that long, but if what you say is true...well, I guess there's no reason to worry too much about it.

There will be time to figure things out after all, right? As long as you do what you can to work toward making things work out.

[ardent]

[LOOK AT ALL THESE NEW PEOPLE. It's almost like he was socially competent just now, it's sort of nice.]

Exactly! It's interesting, how close to the ideal this place is - we're all on an even playing field here, there aren't any sort of preordained roles, and so even those who are perfectly ordinary can excel if they decide to!

[...He has a lot of feelings about this topic.]

[samsa]

[That was a whole lot of words, but a lot of words that did make sense! So good on you, Ishimaru, you did the thing.

That is also something Kaneki has been thinking about a lot, lately.]

Yes. I'm used to things being...pretty different, back home. I think I like it better the way it is here, with everyone having all of the same chances and opportunities.

[ardent]

It's good to hear that! Where are you from? I wonder if our experiences were similar at all...

[Video]

[crackpotcrocker]

You make that all sound easier than it actually is.

[It's a work in process. First step is getting out of Team Rocket... Somehow]

[ardent]

[...Well, that's certainly a thing, isn't it.]

I never said that it was easy - if anything, it shouldn't be, because our trials are what make it possible to achieve! Accomplishments without effort are brittle and easily ruined; what matters is finding the strength within yourself to win your personal battles, whatever they may be!

[He has a lot of feelings about this topic.]

[crackpotcrocker]

Mmmm. You're right! I can do whatever I want to do! I mean - just look at me. I made friends and family. Something I would had always thought - IMPOSSIBLE!

[There's a pause as he sounds sober and doesn't look Ishimaru in the eyes]

I've made mistakes... Some rather big mistakes here...

[Then the man looks up]

But I've learned from them as well and this, this is a place where anything can happen.

What about you? What are you trying to achieve?

[ardent]

[The admission is a little hesitant, but it comes eventually.]

...I...haven't decided yet!

[Give him a moment to get his energy levels back up...]

I've been working most of my life to achieve a goal that doesn't even exist here, so it's a bit jarring to have that taken away - but you're right in saying that anything can happen here! Just like you, I was without friends back home, and while I had family, it was different than anything I've experienced since coming here - and now I have a close group of people whom I'm proud to consider both!

So I think if we continue to work hard, we can achieve whatever we decide that we want, regardless of the mistakes we've made! I've made plenty myself in the past, but we don't deserve to have those mistakes define us!

action because i do what i want;

[nostabbing]

[On a typical day, this would be the point when Option D came into effect once again, but as it turns out, when Parker finds Ishimaru at the table this evening, it's not as a consequence of popping up behind him, but simply because she's walked into the room with exactly the appropriate amount of fanfare.

She's dressed casually and warm against the weather herself, and her hair is tied back in a haphazard braid and there's a half-eaten bar of chocolate in her hand (which is fast on its way to becoming three-quarters-eaten instead).]

Hi, Ishimaru. Hi, Eeveemaru.

[She pulls out one of the chairs and easily drops into it, still chewing.]

Are you studying?

[ardent]

[Ishimaru looks up when he hears her, though he doesn't seem bothered at all for the interruption - if anything, he's been at this for the better part of the day and Eeveemaru was looking like he was tempted to...ah, be helpful again.

So here comes fuzzball, looking more than a bit pleased to see her because hi hello there, and Ishimaru doesn't close the book he's been poring over but he does push it forward on the table a bit to establish some space.]

I am, yes - it seemed like a good day for it!

[Like...most days...]

[nostabbing]

[HOORAY, EEVEEMARU. One of the few things in the world she would actually set aside her chocolate for, because two hands are simply necessary to pet this little guy properly.]

That's good. It's back to normal, right? Back to normal is good. Especially when things have been not-so-normal.

[...]

So you're okay?

[ardent]

[yessssssssssss so much petting he will take all the pets]

I think so, yes! Why do you ask?

[...]

Have I seemed as though I'm not, then, or...?

[VIDEO]

[glaciates]

Something's been bothering me about this world for awhile now and I think you just summed it up.

[Isaac looks thoughtful, but the more striking thing in the video is that Isaac is outside. In the hail. Okay, so he has a dining room table Avalugg he's sitting beside that's shielding him from the hail, but the fact that he's out in this weather at all is... something. Stupid, probably. He also doesn't look dressed for the cold, but Isaac doesn't seem bothered any.]

I don't really know how to describe it, but back home there were some pretty clear objectives. Things were laid out in such a way that you could pick the path you wanted to follow for the most part. I was a soldier for awhile, but I spent a long time studying to be an alchemist. It's not something I can do here, which has sort of taken away a huge part of my identity. I guess I've been trying to replace it with something, but there doesn't really seem like anything to replace it with here.

[He doesn't look upset by this realization though.]

[ardent]

[Ishimaru takes a moment to listen to all that, though he isn't making eye contact with the device; he's looking somewhere else off to the side, somewhere above the right corner of it, though he doesn't seem to have zoned out any - just thinking.]

...I see.

[Because honestly, he does.]

I spent all of my life preparing for a career that doesn't even exist here, so I know what you're talking about - it wasn't anything like alchemy, though. I guess that's a...power, where you come from, and not some sort of advanced chemistry?

[glaciates]

It's not exactly chemistry, no. There's definitely some aspects of chemistry to it, depending on what you're transmuting. It's definitely more than just turning lead into gold, which is what a lot of people think it is for some reason...

[...there was a point in there somewhere, wasn't there?]

I guess you could call it a power. It's a science back home though so it's... kind of difficult to explain.

But yeah it's... I mean, I spent pretty much all of my adult life working on that, so it's kind of hard to find something else to do with myself. Don't get me wrong, I really do like this world, but if there's one thing I really miss about Amestris, it's alchemy.

[ardent]

[...Hmmm.]

What sort of things would you transmute, then? If you don't mind my asking! You make it sound like an interesting process.

[Video]

[stitchedupbodyguard]

[Veronica's sylveon, Kawa, had answered the Pokegear. But what was being said quickly drew Veronica's attention.]

Uh...

[There was a lot to say to this, but it was hard to state. So. Have a nod.]

I think you're right. Back home, I was always doing one thing, and it was basically controlling my life. But here... It's different. I can do whatever I wanted to.

[It was sort of scary.]

[ardent]

[It's something that seems to resonate with a lot of people here, isn't it...Ishimaru isn't sure if that's a good thing or genuinely a little sad.]

Have you found what you want to do with yourself yet, or are you still looking?

[stitchedupbodyguard]

...I don't know.

[All she could do was shrug uselessly. Even the question caused her confusion. Which... was probably a common thing.]

I was... never given the chance to choose, I guess.

[She's been having a slow crisis about it for months now.]

[ardent]

[He just nods a bit at that, actually.]

It's kind of overwhelming, isn't it?